Healing, Hurting and Healing Again


These pictures show my slow improvement. On the left if you look close, I still have an ostomy in addition to the wound vac. I would love to say the ostomy wasn't bad, but I hated every moment of having it. Praise the Lord it was temporary, but if you want to add up traumatizing events, that was up there. My clothes did't fit and I was 111 pound waif on my boys' first day of school. I am not a little person. I am usually about 130-135 pounds. I certainly came to believe that it was possible to lose too much weight. By Halloween, the ostomy was removed, but within the next six months I had another surgery secondary to a surgical fistula developing...and I was back on that darn wound vac again. Pic on the right was a year after the pic on the left on the first day of school again.


I share these moments not to gross anyone out or to provide too much information...believe me there is way more that could gross you out. But to illustrate how much scar tissue I had. Each time I started to heal from a surgery in the hospital, they opened me back up. Over and over again. When you have drains that insert below your belly, they perforate the muscle and cause sharp and quick muscle spasms. I had spasms that made me collapse and be rushed to the ER when my muscle tore. I had scar tissue where my ostomy was removed and of course, the 12inch incision down the middle of my belly. I already had two previous feeding tube scars. Everything in my abdomen hurt. I protected my belly like none other and I was so OVER anyone touching me with so much as a sheet. I had my final surgery that repaired my hernia when we thought it was likely that we were moving to Kansas. I didn't want anyone else to touch me and I had procrastinated on the inevitable surgery. At that point, my surgeon tried to repair my disaster of a stomach by putting my belly button back in the proper space {thanks for that!}, doing some "plastics" as best as a non-plastic surgeon could do and he attempted to separate all the adhesions by cutting between the skin and the fascia over my entire stomach. For all my stomach has seen, he did a pretty amazing job.


That said, scar tissue will redevelop and as hard as I tried to keep it soft, I still dealt with a large amount of scar tissue and adhesions in my abs. I felt this daily with any movement and worked hard thru therapeutic massage and graduating back to the tennis court. I could feel the rips and tears as the scar tissue would separate and each tear hurt a little, but in a way I knew it was loosening up. But because of that chronic pain, I became a regular in the pain medicine department. As a patient with high risk for ulcers, I was unable to take over the counter pain meds and found myself on a mild opiate off and on and then mostly on for over a year.


This is where my CBD story begins.

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